So, Why Don’t You!?

You cannot say “If I was you,” It’s a (subjunctive) hypothetical, not a conditional. You aren’t me, never have been and never will be. The words you are struggling to find are “If I were you.”

If it wasn’t for those meddling kids? No … if it weren’t for — again, it’s a hypothetical, not a conditional … and they was never a problem anyway, even though they were a pain in the backside.

Likewise, you say “I wish you had”, not “I wish you would have.”

If I didn’t go? No … if I hadn’t gone.

If it wasn’t for those meddling kids? No … if it hadn’t been for them.

If you wouldn’t eat so much? No, you fat f**k … if you didn’t eat so much!

And finally, for today … just in case my credentials as a former teacher of English aren’t sufficient for you … I’ll let someone else explain this one:


If even the Australians know how to use “as such” properly, you have no excuse!

Christ … even SouthpawPoet knows that much, and she’s not just Spanish, she’s left-handed!

If you’re not a doctor, you don’t practice medicine.

So, if you can’t speak English, stop trying to write in it.

Jesus! Stop butchering the language; go to school and learn to speak it properly!




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Where Angels Fear

Where Angels Fear

There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live and too rare to die.