We are currently receiving a high volume of calls and will answer your call as soon as we are able.

We apologise for any inconvenience caused.

Except for gouging you silly by insisting you call a premium rate number and wait in a queue … due to our ‘experiencing a high volume of calls’ every day of the week for years now … because we only employ six people to handle all calls from the entire nation, the continent and beyond … and carefully ensure at least three of them are on a break or otherwise absent at any given time.

We don’t apologise for that ¹.

As scientific and technological advances increase the lifespan of the human race, you can rest assured that the providers of faulty, or otherwise inadequate, goods and services will take the long term view and reason that you won’t notice a year or two here or there any more than people used to notice hours evaporating into nothing whilst being subjected to Greensleeves played on a Stylophone by a three-year-old with motor neurone disease.

As a result, support will be outsourced to Alpha Centauri and have a maximum response time of 5.36 years and an additional 4.36 years per round-trip communication.

Whilst selecting tags for this piece, I noticed that ‘Corporate Ethics’ only has 299 subscriptions — because more people believe in Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy than believe corporations understand the meaning of the word ‘ethics’, let alone ‘morality.’

¹ It makes us shitloads of money for executive bonuses ².

² And we wouldn’t make those if they were based upon our actual performance.

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There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live and too rare to die.

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Friday Five: December 1st, 2017

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Where Angels Fear

Where Angels Fear

There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live and too rare to die.

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