“Keep away from me … I have a loaded baguette, and I’m not afraid to use it … collateral damage or not.”

Oh, my God … where in Hell did he get that baguette from!?!
Oh … my … GOD … why is that bakery on fire and … what the …!?!
What is he doing to that dog!?!

“It’s not a d’ … wait a sec … goats don’t bark, do they?
Shit … it is a dog!
My bad.
Here boy! … There’s a good doggy!”

I don’t think the dog wants to eat the baguette.
Look, it’s crying now … just let it run away, there’s a good boy.”

“I’ve never seen a dog do that. I didn’t know dogs could do that. It’s wagging it’s nose, look. My dog can’t do that. And its nose isn’t all long and hairy like that dog’s. And you can see my dog’s eyes. That dog has got a funny mouth …”

Whatever, Rob … just see if you can catch up with Dex and bring him back, please.

Right … when was the last time any of the rest of you saw Wendy?”

“Listen up, maggots. You are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. You’re the same decaying organic matter as everything else. You’re the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world.”

I’m special, you bastard! Oh, no …. that’s ‘special needs’ … Soz.”

“That’s right, Dex … you ride the short-arsed bus.”


“Yes, that’s right, Dex, you drive the bus. Now, why don’t you just scoot on up back there, stick your steering wheel to the back of the seat in front and drive us to the day-centre like normal, huh?”

“I am. I’m doing it. Did I do good?

“That’s just great, Dex, now …
No, Dex!
Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God, oh, God, we’re all gonna die!

“Are we angels now? Are we … are we?
If we are angels, why can’t I feel my legs?”

“You are, indeed, an angel, Dex …. a unique and beautiful one.
Now, if you could just shift your unique and beautiful arse off my head … I’ll see what I can do to get Wendy out from under the seat that is pinning her to your legs.”

“Of all the things I have been called in life, ‘angel’ is not among them.”

That’s okay, Rob … no-one here is ever gonna call you an angel either.”

Thankyou my kind rainbow brother.”

“You’re welcome, Rob. Now … do you think you could persuade Dex to stop harrassing that poor bus driver waiting at the traffic lights over there, whilst I call an ambulance? Cheers.”

I’m gonna look into joining the army, so I can go somewhere safer.
Like Afghanistan.
I don’t get paid enough for this shit.



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Where Angels Fear

Where Angels Fear


There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live and too rare to die.