Words With Friends

Them: “And I’ve been trying to think up a present to get myself as a celebration.”

Me: “A car! … Cocaine and hookers!”

Them: “…”

[Some time later]

Me: “Anyway … have you figured out what you’re gonna do to celebrate? I still think the new car and week-long hookers-and-cocaine fuelled roadtrip has got something to recommend it — when people ask you, if you’re celebrating (or if you celebrated), ‘Car, hookers, cocaine, roadtrip’ is definitely gonna make an impression.

Them: “Why pay a hooker, when I could just go find a lonely drunk for free?”

Me: “Because a week-long bender involving hookers is classy.

“At least it is when you compare it with

‘So, what did you do to celebrate?’

‘I picked up drunks in bars.’

“… which is tawdry and smacks of desperation, not money and self-determination — you do not read/watch Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas to learn Hunter S. Thomson spent a week picking up drunks in seedy dive bars (it would never have sold).

”Show some class!”