So … via a roundabout conversation, involving mention of ‘smart’ toilets, perverts, Viz comic and an old children’s television program, going by the name of Why Don’t You Just Switch Off Your Television Set And Go F̶u̶c̶k̶ ̶Y̶o̶u̶r̶s̶e̶k̶f̶ And Do Something Less Boring Instead? … which was, as I recall, exceedingly boring as it happens … I was reminded of a childhood rhyme ¹.

Viz has had something of a chequered history, has always been ‘hit or miss’, but there have been periods during which it was truly inspired and to this day I recall a friend sitting in the foyer outside a lecture theatre at university, tears streaming down his face as he read that week’s edition, declaring that “they should make it compulsory reading in schools.”

It was what led to the particular reminiscence, because investigating something else altogether encouraged me to peruse the other offerings, as a result of which I stumbled upon an ‘advert’ for a bracelet.

At this stage, so that you might appreciate the advert, it’s probably best if you learn the rhyme itself:

My friend, Billy
Had a ten foot willy
He showed it to the girl next door
She thought it was a snake
And hit it with a rake
And now it’s only five foot four

Which reminded me of the (NSFW) T.V. Go Home ‘TV guide’, of which I invite you to examine this gem:

All I can say is …

T.V. Go Home was, itself, more frequently miss than hit, but there were some gems in there occasionally and, so long as you are not offended by puerile humour and utterly uncalled for use of the ‘C’ word then you might find it worth your while to check out the archive — if you’re a writer, you might even find inspiration for your next story there, you never know.

¹ See second footnote here for more.



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Where Angels Fear

Where Angels Fear


There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live and too rare to die.