What sounds (is) reassuring to people differs because our life experiences differ.
And there are different kinds of ‘reassuring’ too: people don’t go back to abusive relationships because the relationships themselves are reassuring but because the dynamic is something they know and, therefore, their body responds in a familiar way. Don’t underestimate the influence of chemicals on who we are and how we act … we are biochemical beings — ingest the right chemicals and you will see, hear and feel things that you didn’t before.
An important thing to know is that the popular misconception of Dopamine being a reward system is just that, a misconception. It’s actually a difference measurement system … and as long as the stimulus … the degree of difference … results in the same dopaminergic response … the same intensity of ‘feeling’ arises as a result … so a negative stimulus can be just as ‘rewarding’ as a positive one (it’s the reason people get their kicks from being the sub in BDSM).
So, although, it’s counterintuitive and none of us would ever say anything other than “Nonsense … it’s because I love them” or give some other rationalisation … why people return to abusive (especially violently so) relationships, is because they are reassuring — they are familiar and our bodies’ response literally feels reassuring.
So, no …whilst I might find a particular tone reassuring … and there are commonalities for most of us in what we find so (it’s an evolutionary necessity that that be the case) … ‘reassuring’ isn’t a tone for me per se.
No, I don’t find his voice reassuring … to me it is full of artifice, the classic Metal vocalisation that has to be learned if the singer is not to destroy their vocal chords (one of my exes was the lead singer in a Metal band and explained it to me). And I suspect that’s why it sounds reassuring to you: it is not only familiar but a sound you associate with pleasure. But to me, the artifice of it is not reassuring … on the contrary the ‘fakeness’ of it makes me feel that I can’t rely upon it and it is, therefore, anything but reassuring.
Remember I said that I could find a tone of cold indifference appealing. Well, leaving aside what that might say about how fucked up my psychology might be for various reasons, it also illustrates how context can also be a factor: if what I’m looking for is the reassurance that someone will aid in defending the group … raging bluster and bravado isn’t anywhere near as reassuring as the calm, cool sound of someone declaring not an intent but making a statement of fact — “I’ll fucking kill him!” is comparatively impotent beside “He’s a dead man.”
I will, for instance, find it reassuring if everyone else around me is screaming in fear at the same thing as me — it means I’m not alone in recognising the danger … which is a reassurance that there might be safety in numbers as we all defend ourselves against it and it isn’t me alone ¹. Again, context is just as significant when it comes to it, because my dopaminergic response will tally with what I am expecting/hoping to experience.
It’s fine that you find his voice reassuring and, as I said, I can imagine very good reasons why that should be the case — it’s not a criticism of you that you should … there’s no value judgement in my observing a biological inevitability. But … never mind not allowing yourself to be misled into thinking that the response to a given stimulus will be universal … don’t let your body’s response fool you into thinking that your perception of it is the measure of why it should be what it is — it’s not only our minds that play tricks on us but our bodies too (and your brain is a physical organ, remember).
[I should also mention that Dopamine isn’t the only thing relevant to our ‘pleasure’ responses and Serotonin is a major player as well, but I don’t want to blind you with Science at this stage, just get the general principle across]
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¹ Have a word with a paranoid schizophrenic, during one of their lucid periods, about what it’s like to be the only one who can hear the voices.
