Stranger Danger

Actually, that title isn’t really appropriate — the vast majority of rape victims know their assailant.

Which is why … given this … it’s probably a good idea to reject any invitation to visit Stephen M. Tomic¹ in his home in favour of meeting on neutral territory⁵— lest you find yourself playing an involuntary game of urine-flavoured Russian roulette with your beverages.

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¹ Yes, that’s it … Stephen — you should avoid running the risk of granting Stephen that power over over your future … Stephen, not me².

² There’s absolutely no cause for concern about what I might do … Stephen’s the one you need to worry about³.

³ As soon as I had the idea, he was the first person to spring to mind … so there you have it — that’s really a pretty damning indictment⁴.

⁴ The thing about the adopted is nobody loves them and they grow up twisted as a result.

⁵ Ideally in a crowded, public location, where the drinks and water are bottled and sealed by a third party.