Hoppy the “don’t do stuff that might irritate your inner ear” badger

A dyslexic friend of mine once pointed out to me the ‘dyslexia’ is an anagram of ‘daily sex.’

Well … they do say that too much will make your eyes go funny.

With that in mind, I thought that … as a picture speaks a thousand words … I’d post a dickpick.

Okay, there’s actually a bit of a back-story behind this one …

Me: “I have finally figured out why women think men are psychic and can read their minds … resulting in confusion and upset down the millennia, because men aren’t, in fact, psychic and actually need to be told things rather than being moaned and bitched at when they fail to miraculously guess what it is they weren’t told.

“It’s because women are psychic and can read minds — according to Her Outdoors¹, I’m not hungry.

“Which was news to me, let me tell you. I thought was starving as it happens — we live and learn, eh?”

Her Outdoors: “Actually, I read it in your guts — I’m an anthropomancer.”

Me: [Looks up ‘anthropomancy’]

I’ll be good!!!

“Actually, I’m rather enjoying losing the flab and getting slim and trim again — I’d forgotten what it was like to feel like I’m wearing somebody else’s trousers.

“Before very much longer the whole World will be able to see my duck.

“I said ‘duck’, woman … ‘DUCK’!!!

“Jesus!!!”

(Female) Friend:No-one knows your mind like a woman.”

Me: “Who let her in!?! Come on … own up!”

Friend:You did when you friended me up on social networks and stuff because you like to talk about my cock.

“My cock’s got an infection. When its dark I have to go out and massage his throat until he is sick. No word of a lie. Sour crop. Look it up and stuffs, lol!”

“Her Outdoors: “Would you like to see a picture of his duck?

Friend: “In this game of internet roulette …

I am going to say ‘yes’.”

[Some time later … after a bit of a struggle … which I lost … rather decisively … due to Her Outdoors having a black-belt in a martial art not unlike Jujitsu]

Her outdoors: “Sorry for the wait. I had to wrestle it to the ground to get a picture.”

Friend: “HA HA HA HA HA!!! AWESOME!!”

Me: “I cannot believe that you posted a photo of my duck in public!

Her Outdoors: “But I like your duck!”

Me: “[Of] course you fuckin’ do … but that’s no reason to expose it in public!

So … there you go … an international, multilingual, shaggy dog tale involving a dreadful pun (or two), domestic violence and an unsolicited photo of my dyslexia.

What more could anyone ask for by way of entertainment?


¹ My girlfriend at the time was very sporty and spent a lot of time pursuing such activities … wait for it … outdoors.

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Where Angels Fear

Where Angels Fear

There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live and too rare to die.