Rant Of The Day
Too long for a ‘QotD’ really, this was my response to the online request for ‘further information/comments regarding your inquiry [sic].’
“As anticipated, it is a waste of time calling the helpline because it is of no help whatsoever: designed by people with no ability to conceive of anyone needing help that isn’t covered by the limited range of options provided and no option to make an enquiry regarding which service is required in the first place — like the directory enquiries service asking which number is required before they can supply the number in question, it is a futile Catch-22 exercise. If the UK’s government were provided in the private sector it would very quickly be out of business because the people in charge shouldn’t be.
Unsurprisingly, the recommendations made on https://www.gov.uk/certifying-a-document are at least ten years out-of-date — neither GPs nor banks offer this service at any price any more.
And the rest of the list is risible:
Nobody knows their councillors these days, because they never meet them; all contact is electronic — which should be obvious to the people who are, themselves, offering an online only service, no?
Next to no-one is religious and knows a minister (who isn’t necessarily a pillar of society anyway, if years of scandal, covering decades of appallingly immoral behaviour, are anything to go by).
A dentist? Really? How is that specific profession a guarantor of honesty and propriety? They’re notorious for gassing and sexually molesting their patients, aren’t they?
A chartered accountant? In what way is being an accountant a guarantee of good character? When there are financial irregularities, they are the first to fall under suspicion.
Teacher or lecturer? Even if you know one, how does their profession guarantee that they are incorruptible and won’t accept a bribe?
Really, the whole service is farcical — if an infinite number of monkeys, with an infinite number of typewriters and an infinite amount of time could write Hamlet then the gov.uk processes (never mind the actual services) could be designed by one monkey with no typewriter in ten minutes (including a five minute tea-break).
What number do I need to call in order to receive advice concerning certifying a document, when the government’s own advice consists of a list of ‘none of the above’?”
Right … I’d regale you with the list of other farcical events precipitated by the developmental arrest suffered by everyone else involved in the whole sordid affair leading to my need to certify a document in the first place but I’ve made no progress for weeks now because people don’t listen, read or communicate and I only have until tomorrow to successfully push a rock up a mountain with my nose (and hold back the tide with my feet) and I need to do so before I lose the will to live.
*sigh*
So, that’s your lot again for a while.
L8rz, peeps.
