I wouldn't be at all disappointed to find that I were 'normal' in this regard, but 'normal' is a relative term: it was 'normal' in Sparta to take a (younger) male 'lover', for instance; however, that doesn't mean that local norm overrode the species norm and, therefore, meant it wasn't still pederasty ... nor does it mean that the voyeuristic tendencies of many people that leads them to fetishise watching others watch others watch others is healthy — I don't watch reaction channels myself ... Two Girls, One Cup held no interest for me, nor was I interested in even hearing/reading about (let alone watching) others' reactions to it ... and, apart from musical events, I don't go to even the cinema, never mind live shows of any other kind.
Whilst I am morbidly fascinated by the concept of perversion per se, I am not so by any particular perversion, nor by observing it — I have no desire to watch someone get moist whilst engaging in unnatural acts (you know how I feel about developmentally arrested bedwetters).
However, I have, over the years, noticed that I am more so than most other people: how do you think I came to take the particular approach to the matter that I do, if not because I noticed that most other people don't like to talk about perversion at all, let alone to explore the psychological aspects rather than the mechanical? And, moreover, what I have observed is that, even when they are willing to do so, the moment you start delving below the surface ... away from either the simply amusing ("You should've been here last week — there was a guy fucking a chicken!") ... or clinical ("He has an Oedipal fixation) ... aspects and start exploring the seedy/sordid, people get really uncomfortable.
But my own fixation on it isn't because it titillates me (on the contrary, I find it distatsteful) but because I find it incomprehensible and, as a student of human psychology, therefore, morbidly fascinating: how degenerate does someone have to be to engage in the things they do and what is the kick they get from doing so? Bombastic blockbuster portrayals of great evil don't move me ... whereas a sordid treatment of small town seediness is something I can't turn away from any more than can the rubberneckers passing the wreckage in which four families were burned to death in the conflagration.
So, whilst I accept the premise re the nature of the stories we tell ourselves and why ... that mass entertainment (books, movies, television), is all about watching people go through various experiences ... I find it difficult to accept that my particular fixation is 'normal' as such — most people aren't psychologists and their motivation for watching so-called 'reality TV' not at all the same as would be mine (in this regard at least, you'd be closer to the mark re me, because what I do find morbidly fascinating is other people's morbid fascination with watching others do nothing of any note — just not enough to watch any of it, because I am viscerally repulsed by everything to do with reality TV, so, doing so by proxy makes me feel unclean).
I may not be degenerate but I'm not normal … I know a pervert when I see one, trust me — I've spent an unnatural amount of my life observing them (trying to get my head around the nature of perversion) after all 😉
On this occasion, however, my concern is not with myself but with discomforting Stephen (and, ideally, everyone else who reads this post and/or any replies in which he is degraded as part of the story told) — I’m looking for other people obsessed with the seedy and the sordid (I want to read about their fantasy in which they tie him to a chair in a filthy motel room stinking of spilled beer, stale ash and the sour sting of semen half-dried upon dirty sheets barely covering mattresses soaked in years of sweat and the other lubricants of ‘love’ by the quarter hour and ̶r̶a̶p̶e violate … yes, that’s it, violate … him repeatedly, over the course of months, until they impregnate him (or her) ¹) ³.
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¹ With any luck, they’ll slap him about and call him a slut as they do so ².
² I know … I know … I’m not right 😂
³ I couldn’t say why exactly ⁴ … it just amuses me ⁷.
⁴ The idea repulses me ⁵.
⁵ Just not enough to override my urge to gratuitously victimise him ⁶ 😉
⁶ I have nothing against him … quite like what I know of him (not least his ability to take the silliness of it with good humour) … it’s just that, however it started, once it had, it snowballed from there and took on a life of its own and now I have to abuse him on principle.
⁷ Like I said, there’s probably something wrong with me.
