O(h, no)nanism

Meanwhile … in a seedy, wind-swept, litter-strewn galaxy around the back of the Burger King

From their unprofessional sanctimony

… through their appalling grasp of how to design a proficient UI, resulting in an ever deteriorating UX

… to the increasingly banal content

… I find ever fewer reasons beyond habit to log in to Medium; really the only reason I do any more is so that I don’t miss any replies or PMs and don’t, therefore, give people the impression I’m snubbing them — pretty much the only reason for my being here these days is to keep up with those of you who are worth chatting with rather than because there’s anything groundbreaking on Medium itself (it’s increasingly a Farcebook type experience).

The post Interwebs generation must be the most intellectually destitute ever.

On the Internet I am obliged, I am told, to be nicer to people than they have any right to expect, lest it appear that I am being unreasonable … because it is (allegedly) difficult to interpret textual communication, since it lacks all the subtle cues of body language and intonation.

Is it F**K!

That’s a piss-poor excuse proffered by the charlatans who want to justify their own ignorance, stupidity, laziness and (above all) rudeness by blaming you for their behaviour.

Literature, great or otherwise, doesn’t come with emoticons — when you watch a performance of A Comedy Of Errors, or listen to an audiobook version of a novel, you don’t get a laughter-track … If you want to read a book and it has words in it that you don’t understand, you can’t complain to the author/publisher about the lack of spoonfeeding, you get a dictionary and look them up!

Through the years, it has been my misfortune to encounter more freaks, flakes and f**k-ups on the Internet than I ever did in the real world and actually waste time being unnecessarily civil to them, when in the real world it would be considered no more than reasonable of me to have done everyone a favour, picked up the nearest chair and beaten them to death with it on the spot … never mind exchange a few less than complimentary words with them whilst outlining the miserable realities of their sad, tawdry, little lives … expounding upon the lamentable fact that too many people had pissed in the genepool in which they were spawned … and holding up, in the harsh light of the Truth, the fact that, even given all their inherited shortcomings and unfortunate background, they were inexcusably pigsh*t thick, ignorant wastes of space without whom the World would be a far, far better place … the root, in fact, of all that is wrong with it, with no redeeming features or justification for their way of being, no matter how hard you scrape the underside of the barrel looking for some excuse for them.

These people are no better at understanding you in the real world with the extra cues — they’re cretins, plain and simple … with no vocabulary, no understanding of the meaning of the few grunts and squeals they have learned to emulate from the rest of us and no ability to reason whatsoever, no matter how many pictures you draw for them.

The problem is that far too many people, who really shouldn’t, communicate by way of the written word these days — texting and social media have turned them all into readers when … in days gone by … they’d rather have had a root canal with no anesthetic than read anything.

As a result, they write as well … but have few, if any, comprehension skills; you can tell from the appalling spelling, grammar and misuse of words that mean something else altogether — if Failbook and text/IM messages are anything to go by … pretty soon we’ll all be able to read the Canterbury Tales in the original Chaucerian vernacular with no trouble at all.

Worse yet are those who believe themselves technical, because they’re ‘digital natives’, when all they actually are is scriptkiddies hacking others’ frameworks and libraries together into an abomination and would burst into tears if presented with a text editor and told to code something from scratch.

The last time I saw a site as clearly ‘designed’, built and ‘maintained’ by rank amateurs with no clue, it was Medium … but before that, it was user pages on Geocities in the ‘90s.

And, although I wouldn’t use the app myself, from what I’ve been told, the ‘app generation’ of so-called ‘digital natives’ can’t even get that right either — from what I’ve been told, the experience is even worse than on the desktop!

Theoretically, given an infinite amount of time, an infinite number of monkeys armed with an infinite number of text editors will code a one-page website in HTML, with no CSS or ECMA script features.

I submit, therefore, that Medium is coded by two monkeys sharing a single copy of Notepad for ten minutes a month.


So, here, it’s the worst of both worlds, I’m afraid: a site for writers and writing ‘designed’ by people who don’t know the first thing about either Design or Development, policed by people who can’t read.

Even leaving aside the potential involuntary closure that might beat me to the punch, I’m beginning to wonder if I shouldn’t just shut down my account.

I’ve said this all before … almost word for word … but it bears repeating at this stage, I feel.

More and more, Medium resembles the rummage-sale of the mind at the village-fête ¹ of the soul — everywhere I look, I seem to see the same, interminable claptrap ², being regurgitated, warmed over and served up time after time … by mad, old ratbags who want you to “come and have some of this, Dearie; only fifty pence!”

And what is the upside of the whole experience?

Well …

… once you’ve had a bit of a lie-down

… and got over the excitement of it all

… you could win “this lovely donkey in a sombrero” on the tombola.


Granted, it has been a way to meet some very nice/interesting people I might otherwise never have encountered, but … Medium has, with time, come, more and more, to reflect everything I hate about the World and the people in it: it’s narrow, meaningless, self-obsessed, self-indulgent, incestuous and dumbing me down ³.

I’m increasingly less enamoured of it as a platform: firstly for technical reasons (it just gets worse and worse from a usability perspective); secondly because, interesting/entertaining though many of you are, you don’t post on a daily basis, the rest of it is full of repetitive posts on the same topics and … despite my deliberate selection of every topic under the Sun in which to be ‘interested’, so that my reading isn’t curtailed by a filter bubble any more than is unavoidable … I find little of any real interest on a daily basis and can’t be bothered to read most of it (there’s only a handful of people I read with any frequency) ; thirdly because it is too US-centric and there’s only so much concern I can have with the affairs of one nation amongst hundreds before I start wondering whether a spot of biblical flooding mightn’t be the solution to its troubles.

Moreover, I’m finding it increasingly difficult to find anything I want to say myself that isn’t either a rehash of things I’ve already said or else so ludicrously lightweight that, frankly, I can’t be bothered to say it just for the sake of saying something.

I’ve been here for approaching five years now and during that time I’ve gone from three or more posts a day to one or two every two-to-four days — before very much longer, unless I can find the inspiration/motivation from somewhere, I fully expect that to sink to every week, every month, every couple of months … you get the idea … and then, really, why even bother? Medium is getting worse by the day and it’s not that I’m thinking of flouncing off so much as I just won’t bother any more because it has nothing to offer me but frustration and disappointment: I am ever less motivated to write … or even read … anything here … and the ever more frustrating mechanics are accelerating that process — I’ll probably just wake up one day and realise I never actually left, I just stopped coming back.

I dunno … no doubt I’ll get over it in a few days or so, stop being a drama queen and normal service will be resumed

… but I’m just not feeling it today and really can’t be bothered — and that spiritual ennui been trending on my side of the web browser for a while now.


In the meantime, in case it has escaped your attention, I am feeling somewhat disaffected with all of this …so, in response to the poll below, I will … (might …if I can muster the élan that is) … take action.

When answering the question of whether or not I should shut down my account, you might like to consider the two options of:

  1. For the love of God, NO! It’s the most interesting, witty and insightful thing never published — the only reason I log on is to read it … your profile is my browser’s homepage!
  2. For the love of God, YES! I cannot bear your terminally dull ramblings any further — I have long since been traumatised by them and every time I see your profile pic, I have to spend twenty minutes with a metal trash-can on my head, banging it with a hammer to numb the existential agony.

Answers in the replies, please — A simple ‘1’ or ‘2’ will suffice


¹ Oh, God, take me now

This is what ̶ ̶T̶h̶e̶ ̶K̶L̶F̶ Handforth Parish Council is all about

² How to grow your identikit startup business with an easy to follow listicle of the habits of entrepreneurs who get up so early in the morning that they haven’t even gone to bed yet … how to amass a million followers and earn $1 a month on Medium by accidentally writing one article that goes viral and repeating it over and over again with the same words in a different order… frighteningly misinformed pop psychology and horribly bad self-help ‘advice’ … terrifyingly ill-informed technology ‘analysis’ and recommendations … yet another scarily insular ‘thought’ piece on America: Cradle Of Democracy … male-fantasy erotica masquerading as autobiographical tales by female sex workers, of how servicing a man with a huge penis resulted in their first ever orgasms … endless Foreplay: The New Way To Satisfy A Woman pieces by ‘sex therapists’ … limitless tree-hugging hippy crap about mindfulness and other New Age woo … Bitcoin evangelists ceaselessly proclaiming the imminent arrival of a world of make-believe (with flowers and bells and leprechauns and magic frogs with funny little hats) that will be ushered in by blockchain technology .… conspiracy loons frothing and foaming about ‘cancel cultural Marxism’ … the list goes on … and on … and on … and, oh, God, on

³ Since I’ve been on various online platforms over the years, my spelling has worsened atrociously and my vocabulary has gone to Hell in a handbasket … but it has got significantly worse in my time here — the vocabulary used by people on Medium is poverty-stricken and I’ve forgotten a lot of my own because I’m simply all too seldom exposed to more than that of the linguistically destitute .

⁴ Write intelligenter, dammit!

⁵ Seriously … if an infinite number of monkeys, with an infinite number of typewriters, could (given an infinite amount of time) write Shakespeare’s Hamlet then two monkeys with a typewriter between them could produce 99% of Medium inside five minutes.

⁶ As far as I can work out, Medium’s algorithm works on the basis of change (which is rather appropriate for a dopamine based approach) … so, if I don’t read what’s in my feed for three months, instead of figuring out that I’m not interested in any of it, it concludes that no change in my behaviour means I haven’t any desire for any change and it keeps showing me the same unread posts every day .

⁷ How it’s supposed to figure out what I would be interested in reading is beyond me, as I can’t give it any clues by reading things that aren’t there to be read — it’s Catch-22 for both me and the algorithm .

⁸ Machine Learning is not Artificial Intelligence!



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Where Angels Fear

There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live and too rare to die.