A very long time ago now …
A very long time ago indeed …
A long, long, long, long, long, long, long time ago …
I wrote a post in which I shouted “HUZZAH!”
I can’t remember why now but that’s not really significant.
What’s important is that I shouted it.
And shout it, I did.
“HUZZAH!” I shouted.
Actually, that’s not entirely true.
I only shouted it once … and it wasn’t as impressive as that … it was more “HUZZAH!” really.
Be that all as it may, however …
No. Wait. Don’t go away … I’ll be right back.
Here we go … what I said was:
“[WAF] would just like to say a resounding 'HUZZAH!'
Actually, he's already shouted something altogether less printable ... (though no less positive) ... but as this is, at its most extreme, a PG rated point of presence, 'HUZZAH!' will have to do.”
Naturally, I was being a trifle hyperbolic … outrageously understated: there’s no way that POP was PG at its most extreme — at its most extreme, there were things I didn’t dare even write down, let alone post … and the things I did post were often NSFL.
But that was then and this is now; like, man … Time is relative, you dig? I mean like I am you and you are me and then is now … you know what I mean?
For most, if not all, of my life, the human race has been a huge disappointment.
And I imagine I’m not the only person to have been hugely disappointed by it.
But, just to give one example, I once tried to persuade one of my fellow basketball team members that he should shout “HEPATITIS!” every time he scored a basket.
Which was bitterly disappointing, as I’d rather fancied seeing the look on others’ faces when he did so,
Imagine it: there you are, on the other team, or an onlooker … and this guy scores a basket and then shouts …. for no discernible reason …
You’re going to look at your neighbours and see, on their faces, the same look of WtF? as is on yours.
Just imagine that shared moment of complete and utter WHATtheFuckery. Your world will never be the same again — not only will it make no sense whatsoever there and then but … years later … it will spring, as these things do, unbidden to mind, when you least expect it (or whenever you hear the word ‘hepatitis’) and you’ll experience that moment all over again and, once more, the World will be a slightly less certain place than it was before ¹.
So, it was bitterly disappointing when he refused to be instrumental in my plan to mess with people’s heads.
And I learned a valuable lesson … namely that the human race is a huge disappointment.
That’s all I wanted to say, really ².
¹ Except, naturally, insofar as it is a certainty that there are some right weirdos in this world that is.
² I couldn’t even say why myself, to be honest — I don’t even like seafood.