Knowing that someone meets the criteria for one of the Cluster B disorders is significant … most especially with regard to the A(s)PD types, who can potentially be very dangerous individuals indeed … as it allows us to know when what we are dealing with is a situation that is unlikely to be resolved in a positive manner.
There are therapeutic solutions but they don’t have a high success rate because
- those in need of them will not see the need — they aren’t the problem, we are.
- when persuaded to engage in one, they will often simply lie about going rather than actually go.
- when they do go, they will often attempt to ‘play’ the therapist and, moreover, not infrequently simply come away armed with the extra knowledge required to disguise what they are better than previously.
At the end of the day, negative/abusive behaviour is negative/abusive behaviour and, whilst it can certainly help, having a diagnosis of one disorder or another to pin upon those responsible for it isn’t as important as deciding upon a healthy strategy for dealing with it — it just helps to know when the other party is almost certainly never going to change, as it means less time wasted on fruitless searching for a solution.
As I said, from your description, I suspect that at least one of your parents might be disagnosable, but wouldn’t like to say for certain — I don’t know them and cannot observe their behaviour. But, if your gut tells you that something is more than a little ‘off’ about them … that there’s more to it than simply ‘bad behaviour’ as it were … you’re probably best advised to take heed of it — your years of experience will be of vastly more value than any theorising I might do here.
As for the general observation regarding the yearning for parental approval … sadly, Larkin was onto something there, wasn’t he?
