Interesting … had I made that point myself, I’d’ve said “masturbate furiously” — I’m pretty sure it’s from something and that’s why it’s in that order in my head, but can’t, for the life of me, remember where.
I wonder what it says about you that it’s the other way around in your head — clearly to the person who first penned the version that has become so much a part of my life that it ranks up there with “bloody vandal”, “a subhuman lifeform, just below tapeworm on the evolutionary scale”, “the best thing they could’ve done would be to have stayed in the garage and left the engine running” and “there’s someone at the door” the significant aspect of it was the masturbation and the fury a property thereof … whereas, you appear to be angry and, perhaps, relieving that by masturbating … an angry wanker, you might say (not that that’s how I see you 😉 ).
But I digress.
As is my wont.
But, no, the last thing that happens when I think of or … heaven forfend … see Theresa May is sexual arousal — not even when played and voiced in such a disturbing manner ¹.
Of course, if the thought of Theresa May arouses you sufficiently to want to pleasure yourself to the point of emission, I’m not going to criticise you — I shall just make a mental note of your degeneracy and quietly advise others never to find themselves alone in your company, lest they be confronted with a Louis CK like “it approves the deal or it gets the hose” situation.
—
¹ I grant you that, although my tastes run to what is, I believe, normally referred to as ‘vanilla’ ², they’re probably fairly ‘kinky’ in others that I have yet to get to the bottom of myself, let alone with the help of a therapist ³ … but not even I’m given to sufficient self-loathing that I’d want to self-harm to that extent ⁴.
² I’m sure Aura will be able to confirm this either way.
³ And I’m not at all sure it wouldn’t be best for all concerned if the matter were to remain unexplored — I have, shall we say, certain concerns about who I might turn out to be, were I to be … ‘unleashed’ … so to speak.
⁴ And that’s coming from the man who eats curry flavoured Pot Noodles at 7am just to see if it still hurts today or whether I have finally desecrated the temples of body and soul beyond repair and am simply too jaded for anything to touch me spiritually any more.
