There’s not much to criticize for me, actually, because that sounds like a perfectly reasonable coping mechanism. If not exactly healthy then at least not destructive — much like the person who keeps a boxing bag the beat the shit out of when frustrated.

I couldn’t really say whether it were healthy or not, but I suspect you are right that it fundamentally isn’t. Quite apart from any congenital or inherited character flaws, as the years have gone by I’ve noticed a transformation in myself from Pratchett’s good man to his evil man.

You see the below …

… although I couldn’t put it into words precisely, because there are many aspects to it, I know exactly why the assassin laughs as he kills his victim(s). Because I do too … most especially when my own victims’ deaths are protracted and particularly painful or, more significantly, especially humiliating, but, whatever the means by which I effect their demise, it’s their utter helplessness that titillates me the most — I find myself giggling in anticipation of not simply killing but murdering someone ... laughing until the tears stream down my cheeks at someone I’ve just set on fire as they thrash and flail about screaming in agony and terror.

Is it something I’d want to do IRL?

I suspect I’d have qualms but, in self defence or in defence of another, I might overcome those surprisingly quickly … and what if I found I liked it? They do say that it comes easier the second time.

What my brain knows I should rationally wish for is the power to transform people into decent human beings … but what my heart desires is a bowel disruptor, set to ‘prolapse’.

I’m not sure I should encourage myself: it’s almost certainly not healthy and I suspect I’m better off making and sharing music with people.

I’m not great at shooters

Practice makes perfect 😉

but I’ve named worms for people I felt like giving a bazooka to the face.

Yes, naming is good — there’s power in names.

Even better if I could do something stupid like sending a grumpy old lady over to beat them to a pulp.

And what is it that’s so appealing about that?

Is it simply the slapstick absurdity?

Or is there the humiliation aspect too?

I do wonder how you would do, emotionally, with The Last Of Us 2. Not that it’s such a fantastic game, but you are invited to go on a violent rampage to seek revenge on a character, but before you can reach the climax on that, the game forces you to play through a 10 hour journey with this character you’ve learned to despise. And then, after you begrudgingly get invested in this antagonist turned protagonist, it switches again so you get to extract your revenge on this character you just bonded with. A good deal of people absolutely HATE it.

Like I said, not sure if the game is particularly good but the choice in storytelling took some balls. I think we need a bit more of this sort of forced empathizing. Not “just” the other side of the story in DLC, where it’s kinda easy to flip.

I’ve read good things about both it and the original but have yet to play either. I’ll possibly do so … probably, in fact … but I have a number of other games I want to play before that. I’ve been patiently putting off buying a PS4 until the PS5 is finally available and the price of second hand models plummets … but, more significantly, so that the available games are definitively demarcated and I can select the best without having to worry about new ones appearing subsequently and my being obliged to wait until they drop in price too … and have a list of over twenty that I’ve been waiting to play like a kid waits for Christmas ¹ — so, they’ll all get my attention first.

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¹ Not least Borderlands 3, Metro: Exodus and Wolfenstein: The Old Blood/The New Colossus/Youngblood.