How Many Millennials?
So, one thing led to another and I found myself down the rabbit hole again.
Which is how I came to find myself investigating Millennials and why everyone seems to hate them … and wondering if it mightn’t be a suitable vein to mine for the purpose of humour.
Boomers hate them.
Gen X can’t be bothered to defend them.
Gen Z laughs at them.
It was inevitable really, when you think about it.
They are Generation whYne, after all.
They just bitch and moan about everything all the time, but, most of all about being Millennials — like nobody ever had a hard time before or since.
It’s not incomprehensible, therefore, that everybody should hate them. Loathe them. Despise them. Laugh when they cry (which they do … a lot … the whiny, snowflake crybabies ¹).
But, given that, what conclusion do Millennials draw?
Is it that they should maybe take a long, hard look at themselves?
Or is it to post a pouty selfie and whine about how everyone else is mean to them?
Look, guys …
Your grandparents hate you.
Your parents have no respect for you.
Your siblings think you’re a joke.
If 2K (The KLF) had only worded their track slightly differently, it’d probably still be in the charts today (even my grandparents would know the lyrics!)
Your kids … the selfish, fucked up brats you spawn to replace yourselves … even if they don’t despise you for being financial failures … which they will, because they, like you, are the next yuppie generation (for whom all that matters is self-aggrandisement and personal gratification) … will still simply leave you to rot in your communes of necessity anyway, because there’s no way they’re paying for you to live in a home, so you’ll have to get together with other old fogeys and houseshare in your seventies (try not to get your teeth mixed up in the shared bathroom), whilst they avoid you on social media you’re too old to even understand, let alone keep up with. On the up side, you’ll have had decades of practice at not having sex in shared accommodation by then, so it won’t come as a shock.
Seriously … I haven’t been able to find anyone with a good word to say about Millennials. You suck … nobody likes you … It’s just karma that your “I, Me, My, Mine” generation was born at the right time to be faced with two global recessions in succession and may well end up living through a third before your time is finally (and thankfully) up. You have nothing now and, in all likelihood, nothing to look forward to either. But, on the plus side, this does mean that … of all the generations most likely to do the World the favour of making it a better place for those to come, by offing itself in droves when it hits its mid-life crisis and realises there’s nothing to live for and, for it, never will be .… it couldn’t have happened to be a more deserving one — so, it’s an ill wind that blows nobody any good.
So, as we all hates them, we does …
… but aren’t allowed to cull them ² … I figure we can try putting them out of our misery by playing a game instead.
Below, therefore, make each reply a ‘story’ and give it a title which is the second half of the question — so that the complete question runs on from the title ‘How many Millennials’ here.
Then put the answer in the body of the story..
I’ll go first.
Does It Take To Change A Lightbulb?
Who cares? … Let ’em cry in the dark!
—
¹ Dakota’s parents live closer to school, so she was able to collect her attendance medal sooner and now she went and told Jason from the startup running the Entrepreneurial Crosspolination Workshop that and he congratulated her. It’s so unfair — her parents sold a kidney each to pay for the course too!
² Millennials: can’t live with ‘em.
Can’t hit ’em with a shovel 😒
