Hobo Cat-Wranglers Riot

You may have noticed that my mind does come up with some pretty out there stuff from time to time. Where it comes from, I couldn’t tell you … it just arrives in my head ready to eat … but … although I couldn’t say, hand on heart, that I don’t find it a trifle disturbing myself on occasion … I would be lying if I said I didn’t find it equally hilarious.

So … in a further development this evening …

Them: “I don’t tie stuff to people. Unless they ask — in which case, I generally tie people to stuff.”

Me: “Perhaps you should reconsider that approach next time you’re at Work — I reckon the sight of one of their compatriots being turned loose after having a cat tied around their neck would make people think twice about crossing your path.”

Them: “That’s already taken care of: this guy was trying to pretend to be too drunk to leave an ATM lobby, so I pretended to get the Naloxone. Then he panicked and attacked. So I picked him up and threw him to then ground — no string required.”

Me: “But then you tied a cat to him, right.”

Them: “No. I don’t carry any cats on duty.”

Me: “Perhaps you should. Round up some strays — you could carry five or six in a sack and give it a meaningful shake as you approached troublemakers. Imagine being one of your victims: thrown to the ground … vs … thrown to the ground and a pissed off cat tied around your neck.

Thrown to the ground … I might seek revenge.

Thrown to the ground and then ‘necklaced’ with a cat from a sack … there aren’t words to describe how fucked up that is — who would even think of a thing like that? I’m never going there again … you couldn’t pay me to!”

Them: “Yeah, but …

  1. I don’t want to touch hobos more than I have to — throwing to the ground = ¼ second of handy-grossy.
  2. Catching feral cats is probably hard … and that’s if you know where to find them — I haven’t got a clue or
  3. a cat sack.”

Me: “1. You could keep a hobo on retainer and get them to do it. 2. Ask around or get the hobo to do it. 3. easily remedied.”

They’re on duty now, so, I haven’t had a reply yet ¹ … but I’m kinda liking the scenario — not only would it make a great element in a movie or story ², but I reckon it would make an even better newspaper report ; D

¹ You might want to keep an eye on this post to see if there are any future updates.

² Like the escaped brother in The Wasp Factory — who set fire to dogs.

There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live and too rare to die.