Did You Know …
…? Redux.¹
No, you didn’t.
Well, if you don’t know now, I really shouldn’t tell you — you made your bed … now die in it! But … this is important … so, I shall just have to be lenient (again <sigh>).
So …
There is a correlation between left-handedness and criminality.
Seriously … there is — for once, I’m not trolling … there really is.
One report I read mentioned that not only is there a significant correlation between left-handedness and criminal tendencies but that a large study demonstrated that there is a further association with divergent thinking (particularly amongst males) and so there are intellectual benefits to left-handedness.
Yeah … like planning criminal activities.
Anyway … be that all as it may … the point I came here to make is that if you are right-handed and you hold your phone in your right hand then you deserve all the bad things that happen to you.
Not just those that result from your holding your phone in your right hand but all of them … every last one.
You are morally, spiritually, psychologically subhuman in every way — genetically and biologically too, I shouldn’t wonder.
It’s not that … so long as you’re not physiologically inferior too (duh⁶)… I wouldn’t sleep with you nevertheless … but, afterwards, I’ll feel unclean … spiritually sullied — my soul forevermore tarnished … contaminated by an acquired degeneracy in the marrow of my very being; my mind, my soul, my very essence defiled and corrupted, invaded by an untreatable spiritual infection … by an AIDS of the psyche.
The left-handed are abominations …
… but the right-handed who hold their phone in their right hand are beyond abominable; there is nothing wronger than a right-handed person who holds their phone in their right hand — you sicken and disgust me.
I would mention that the same is true of the left-handed who hold their phone in their left hand, but that would be the height of redundancy — they’re left-handed, ffs … everything they do is wrong.
—
¹ That means there’s another post of the same name ² and/or theme. ³
² You could try searching for it, if you wanted to know what it was about — or would you like me to come around and scroll your browser for you too?
³ Usually, but not always, both … sometimes neither. ⁴
⁴ Sometimes it’s a conceptual thing, riffing off something else I’ve written that is either thematically the same or else a springboard to the new post, but not identical … and doesn’t have the same title either. ⁵
⁵ I spy, with my little eye, something that would begin with the letter ‘F’, if only it weren’t spelt differently.
⁶
