As you may recall … I read a lot.
By which I mean that I don’t merely read copiously but also widely.
When I first signed up, I told Medium that I was interested in everything. This isn’t because I am interested in everything — I really do have very little interest in many things … many of them are interminably dull … only surpassed in their “If I gnaw my arm off, I might be able to escape unnoticed” inducing tediousness by the people who enjoin me to take an interest in them.
But the thing is … until I’ve read them, I can’t know if they will result in impromptu amateur limb amputation or “wow … I’d never in a million billion trillion years have guessed that topic could be even remotely interesting but it is!”
So … just in case, I read about everything — you never know when it might be interesting … or even useful to learn.
Which is why I stumbled upon the below article …
Now … given the limit upon my reading ¹ that spared me from throwing caution to the wind and reading it out of morbid fascination ³ … thus preventing me from finding out (and having an aneurysm) … I have to ask …
Was it “Turning the alarm off and going back to sleep because I’m not a fucking psychopath!”?
Because, if it wasn’t then the author is dangerously insane!
The only people who should have a morning routine that makes them anything other than miserable as sin are people leading worthwhile lives — surgeons, aid workers, doctors, nurses, firemen … people whose existence makes the World a better place.
No-one else has any business being happy early in the morning; it is a sign of a dangerously unhinged individual.
Because, if you aren’t one of the people who make the World a better place, your life is pointless … mind-numbing, spirit-crushing, soul-destroying, devoid of any and all meaning … drudgery and wage-slavery the leitmotif of your miserable existence with nothing to look forward to but more of the same, day in, day out, until you finally shuffle off this mortal coil with nothing to show for your ever having been here bar, at most, the selfish, fucked-up brats you spawned to replace you and then failed to raise well enough to meet even the offensively low standard you met yourself (yaay … just what the World needs — well done you!)
And … unless you are one of the aforementioned psychopaths … you know it — and have, therefore, no reason to be happy in the morning … or, indeed, any other time of day.
Unless, of course, you’re dangerously insane!
Seven different morning routines?
There’s only one legitimate morning routine for a journalist and it’s this …
¹ Self-imposed by my disinclination to hand over my financial details to some organisation that promises to take matters of security very seriously … in a land in which privacy laws are only extant to the extent that you are allowed to wear a cellophane fig-leaf to hide your modesty and the government considers foreign nationals such as myself a threat to their way of life (if not their very existence) … and promptly hands over control of the database/server security to some unpaid, acne-ridden youth with all the worldly experience you’d expect of someone with the social skills of the terrier humping the vice-chairman’s wife’s leg at your barbecue-and-pool party ².
² I know … I‘m too ‘touchy’ about things.
³ There are, as I have observed before, certain types of article I really shouldn’t read⁴.
⁴ They make me angry.