Today is the day you give thanks to the French for helping you break free of Merrie Olde Englande — so, no hidden agenda there … you didn’t get used or anything (“Give us goods and money and we’ll help you attack our own centuries-long undefeated enemy” isn’t remotely like exchanging glass beads for native lands and goods … oh, no).

Happy Thanksgiving, therefore! ¹

Yaaaay … I remembered!

But the rest of the World … (7,800,000,000 / 328,239,523 = 2,376% more significant than your entire nation) … doesn’t really give a sh*t

So, if you could just put things in perspective … and get over yourselves … that’d be cool because, normally, at this point I would say something witty/amusing/clever/all-of-that-and-more about how you’re all Philistines and don’t deserve me and you should be more grateful for what you’ve got ², because it’s witty/amusing/clever/all-of-that-and-more and that’s what you’ve become accustomed to from me and I feel I owe it to you in return for your …

Actually what the Hell am I talking about?

You’re ingrates and Philistines who don’t deserve me.

What’s more, some of you are as big a disappointment to me as you are to your parents ³ — which is an enormous disappointment, let me tell you (ask your parents).

Seriously … ENTERTAIN me, you f**kers!

Here I am … brain the size of a planet … and no-one to talk to.

Get up, you lazyarses!

Write something!

Entertain me!

Oh, fffs!

¹ Except for Stephen, who:

  1. isn’t allowed to celebrate today — he has to celebrate being Parisian on the 14th
  2. has nothing to celebrate anyway — he’s adopted … and nobody loves him

² Because … basically … I’m fantastic!

³ You know who you are.

⁴ Yes … you.



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Where Angels Fear

Where Angels Fear


There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live and too rare to die.