Come out, come out, wherever you are

A few years ago, whilst helping man a stall at a craft fayre, I learned that the former convent up the hill was open to the public.

It was reputed to be quite thoroughly haunted.

I was quite interested by that and said I might take a look.

My intent must have been written all over my face though, because the stall-holder looked at me and said “You’re NOT to scare the ghosts!”

Crestfallen, I decided not to bother in that case — who wants to look around some old buildings just for the sake of it?

People hire clowns, magicians and whatnot for their children’s birthday parties.

People hire babysitters.

A number of years ago I had the idea of offering an at-home service that kind of combined the two ideas … but with a twist — I’d babysit kids who were afraid of the dark, monsters etc. and teach them how to make the dark and the monsters afraid of them!

We’d go hunting monsters with big sticks and iron pokers and, when we found them … under the bed, in the wardrobe/closet, in the cellar/attic, wherever they were lurking … beat the shit out of them.

You can beat the shit out of ghosts with sticks, by the way; just because they think I can’t doesn’t mean *I* have to believe that nonsense — If ghosts are real then my stick, poker or broken bottle is even more real … and it’s powered by the magic of a really bad attitude: I’m the kind of maniac who goes ghost hunting armed with a broken bottle!

I tried it with one of my nieces once.

We never found any monsters though … or ghosts.

I think they must’ve heard us coming 😒

Next time I’ll have to be stealthier ¹.

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¹ Does anyone know ninjutsu?