Brexit Gloom In The Gloaming

Here is the News: The weather’s fine, but there may be a meteor shower.

Aura Wilming should be able to write the story behind this one.

It’s turned decidedly chilly.

Sufficiently cold for me to wonder whether it might not be worth considering swapping my shorts for long trousers.

And that’s coming from someone used to walking around in shorts and a T-shirt in Germany … the land of ice and snow … 365 days of the year … even in the ice and snow!

I blame Scotland and the North of England.

It’s snowed there.

We were having a lovely October here in the South … look at this map … see how sunny it is …

And then they went and had snow.

Now, as anyone with a primary/elementary/grade school education knows, hot air rises.

Nature, abhorring a vacuum, as she does, fills the space left with whatever she can find — namely cold air.

Hot air rises and cold air sinks.

Well, take a look at this map …

Yes, the Shetlands and the Orkneys have moved. And goodness only knows where the Hebrides came from — Norway, probably.

See the difference?

That’s right … it’s not sunny any more.

And why is that?

Well, where are Scotland and the North of England?

That’s right … they’re at the top.

And where is the South?

Yes, you got it, down the bottom.

And what happens to air when it passes over snow and ice?

It gets cold, doesn’t it?

So, where does all that cold air go?

Down to the bottom, of course.

Where it has ruined everyone’s year!

Take a look at that first map again.

Lovely, wasn’t it?

I’ve never known a last week in October …. yes, October … yes, the last week, almost November in fact … so delightfully warm and sunny — I‘ve been complaining about being overdressed all week!

Now look at that second map again.

Brrrrrrrrrrrrr….

Thanks, Scotland and Hertfordshire ¹.

Thankyou so much!

Of course, the South will get no thanks when the weather gets warmer again and our hot air rises and melts your snow, will it?

Well, I’ve got news for you.

It ain’t gonna happen.

Because Brexit.

So, we won’t be seeing warm weather from the Continent any more — a lifetime of cold weather unrelieved by the free movement of warmer winds awaits us all in the twilight years of our national heritage.

So, thanks for that … and I hope you enjoy your frozen turnip gruel this Christmas.

Again.

Maybe you’ll think twice before deciding you like snow next year, eh?

More completely justified complaints about the weather can be found here , here, here, here, here and here — I’m British … and legally obliged to moan about the weather at least once a week.

—
¹ Hertfordshire’s north of the River, so it’s in the North, right?