Oh, God … My Eyes!

It all started with a perfectly innocent web search …

I can see you falling about laughing, you know.

You’re not very subtle about it.

And that hurts 😢

I know what you think of me … know that the last word you’d associate with me is ‘innocent’ … there’s no need to rub it in.

But I am really … deep down inside … beneath year upon year upon decade upon decade of tarnished, world-worn vice and debauchery.

You wouldn’t credit it, but, really and truly I’m an innocent at heart.

An innocent with omnicidal urges, okay, I’ll grant you that … and I’ve done <cough> a few </cough> things you wouldn’t tell your parents about … or the authorities … but an innocent nevertheless.

Spiritually speaking that is.

Anyhow ….

I was innocently looking for something to illustrate a point.

A comic strip.

From Viz to be precise.

Alright, alright … pull yourselves together.

You’re not funny, you know.

*sigh*

Where was I?

Oh, yes … I was attempting to highlight my point with a comic strip (no pun intended [fnarr fnarr]).

And, unfortunately, “Morris Day” just wasn’t returning the result I wanted. In fact, it barely returned anything related to Morris Day at all.

So, I decided to widen my scope.

*si … iii … igh*

Settle down …

Really … you’re no better than children.

Now, at this point, I doubt that even Aura would be at all surprised to learn that adding the words “sexual pervert” to your search terms will return some altogether inappropriate results.

In retrospect, I should have expected to see … what I did … but, like said, I’m an innocent and blithely imagined that what I would see would be strips … [ha, very ha, you so funny] … from Viz comic featuring “Morris Day: Sexual Pervert.”

It was, I now realise, also entirely to be expected that … having previously turned off the ‘Safe Search’ feature on the basis that maybe I wasn’t getting the result I was looking for because, even though it was only a comic strip, the name might be enough to get it excluded ¹ … I would see (surprisingly graphic) things outside normal bedroom practice, so to speak.

You see … I told you I was innocent.

You didn’t want to believe me, but it’s true … I am.

Well … I was, anyway.

Until today that is :O

In a further development, I also learned the importance of paying attention to what the computer actually does rather than what you, in your innocence, take for granted it will do.

My search, whilst astoundingly educational ², was not satisfactory … in that I still hadn’t found what In was looking for.

So, I switched browser tabs to an alternative search engine, highlighted the content of the search box [CTRL+A] pasted in my search terms [CTR+V] and pressed the [ENTER] key.

And found, to my horror, that it had not only pasted in the words from a previous, equally innocent, search … because I had forgotten to copy the new terms from the other search engine … but had, furthermore, completely failed to highlight on my text and had, therefore, not overwritten the search terms from the previous search on that engine but merely appended them onto the end.

Moreover, because my previous search had also required that I turn off the Safe Search feature in order to make any headway, the specific combination … the returned results … do not bear thinking about.

Trust me … my search for “Golden Shower” had been perfectly innocent ³ but inadvertently adding the word “kids” to it did me no favours.

Especially with Safe Search set to ‘off’.

I don’t know if it’s legal to draw stuff like that or not but it has certainly strengthened my hitherto firmly held belief that those who profess a liking for anime and manga should never be left in charge of children!

Or animals!

So, the moral of the story is ‘be careful what you ask for.’

Oh, and ‘turn on Safe Search — for God’s sake, turn on Safe Search!

That’s the moral of the story too.

¹ “Mommy … what’s a ‘six year old pervert’?

² There are some things I wouldn’t have believed physically possible had I not seen them with my own eyes.

³ I was looking for an image of a firework by the same name — also, as it happens, to illustrate a point .

That one is all SouthPawPoet‘s fault.

There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live and too rare to die.